


Do You Remember

by Gefionne



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Breakup and reunion, Classic Kylux, Complicated Relationships, M/M, Marking, Oral Sex, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 13:52:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9901166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gefionne/pseuds/Gefionne
Summary: Kylo Ren’s affair with General Hux ended months before, but the memories linger, and one day he sets out to remind Hux of how it made them feel to be together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was influenced by Jarryd James and [this incredible drawing](http://littleststarfighter.tumblr.com/post/151937529622/if-you-could-only-see-the-beast-youve-made-of-me) by [littleststarfighter](http://littleststarfighter.tumblr.com/).

_Oh, don't be scared about it._  
_Don't forget it was real._  
_Do you remember the way it made you feel?_  
  
\- “Do You Remember,” Jarryd James

 

The collar of his black officer’s jacket was undone, revealing the triangle of pale flesh that Kylo still remembered the taste of. It was a rare show of misconduct, but from the way Hux’s chest was expanding and contracting with hurried breaths, it was clear he was agitated enough to need the freedom it afforded him.

He was standing at the forward viewport on the _Finalizer_ ’s bridge, watching the agile TIE fighters flit across the starscape as they circled the Republic freighter the First Order meant to capture. It was carrying a load of ore that would be crucial for the Starkiller project. It should have been a routine mission, but the freighter had proved to be better armed than anticipated. The fore and aft gunners had already brought down more TIE fighters than the _Finalizer_ could afford to lose this far out from the Order’s main base of operations. Resupplying vessels and pilots was out of the question until they returned to the Unknown Regions.

Kylo was ostensibly watching the battle as well—he did have a vested interest in the success of the Order’s operations—but his attention remained on Hux. Kylo was only a pace away from him, and through the enhanced auditory filters in his helmet he could hear each of Hux’s deep exhalations. He appeared calm to all of the officers and techs on the bridge, of course, but Kylo knew better. He knew how hot Hux’s skin would be beneath his uniform, how the flush would spread in mottled red splotches across his narrow chest and up to his neck. His heart would be beating rapidly, his carotid artery thrumming with life as the blood rushed through it to feed his clever mind.

Hux’s response to a battle wasn’t so different from his reaction to Kylo’s hands on his body, running over the soft plane of his stomach and up to his nipples, each of which Kylo would circle with his forefingers before taking one and then the other into his mouth. Hux would arch up into him, fisting his hands in Kylo’s hair. Then with a hard pull, he would drag Kylo up to his lips. He kissed savagely, unrelenting with teeth and tongue. Kylo had always allowed him to take what he wanted, responding in kind only when Hux demanded it of him. And he did demand a great deal.

_On your knees, Ren. Slower. Right there. Don’t you dare move._

Kylo’s cock stirred at the memories, fortunately concealed by the folds of his robes. They had spent hours, days, weeks in each other’s arms, Hux issuing orders that Kylo did not object to obeying. It had started that way at least, but it hadn’t taken Kylo long to discover the places he could touch or things he could say that would have Hux writhing.

“Let me ride you,” he would say as Hux slid his spit-slick finger along the cleft of Kylo’s ass to his entrance. “I want to take all of you.”

Hux would guide him down until Kylo was filled, pausing only briefly for a long breath before taking Kylo by the hips and telling him to move. Kylo would let Hux guide him, allowing him to use Kylo’s body to take his pleasure as he wanted it. Kylo didn’t cede power to many, but Hux all but expected it, and Kylo gave in.

At first, he had gone immediately in the aftermath, dressing after only a brief wash in the refresher and returning to his own quarters for a proper shower. Sometimes he wouldn’t wash Hux’s smell from himself immediately, though, instead lying down to sleep with it all around him. He grew to crave it, frustrated in the days between their meetings when he walked at Hux’s side but couldn’t catch his scent through the rebreather in his mask.

Yet, as the time had passed, Hux had allowed him to stay longer in his bed after they were finished. Kylo remembered once brushing sweat-damp hair back from Hux’s forehead. He had been tempted then to press his lips to each of his ruddy brows and to the wells of his eyes, but it was too familiar for them. Theirs was an arrangement of convenience; they took what they needed from each other and went their own ways.

That was what Hux wanted to believe anyway, but Kylo remembered how they had crashed together and then lain side by side speaking in hushed tones while Kylo mapped the swells and hollows of Hux’s form. They had begun to part with kisses and light touches.

Kylo still trembled as he recalled the feel of Hux’s cool fingers against his face as he said, “Leave me now, Ren.” It was a dismissal, but not a callous one. It was what hung unspoken after it that moved him: “Until you come back to me.” And Kylo would. He came when he was summoned at the start, but when he began to appear of his own will, Hux hadn’t turned him away.

Once, Kylo had gone to him directly from the shuttle bay after he had arrived back from a mission planetside. Kylo’s clothes were dirty and he still smelled of the burned flesh he had cut through with his lightsaber. Under most circumstances, he was keyed up from a fight, ready to put Hux through his paces relentlessly, but then he had been bone-tired and sore.

Hux had been sitting at his desk when Kylo entered. He had cocked his head to the side as he took in the slump of Kylo’s shoulders, the tired hitch in his step. Without a word, Hux had come to him and released the catches of his mask, lifting it from Kylo’s head and setting it down on his desk.

“Come with me,” he had said as he took Kylo’s gloved hand in his and led him into the bedroom beyond the aft bulkhead.

He had undressed Kylo with care, lifting his cowl away and dropping it onto the floor. His outer robes had followed. Hux slipped the suspenders from his shoulders and then unfastened the fly of his pants. When Kylo was naked, Hux pushed him toward the refresher. He was ushered into the warm spray of the shower and told sternly to wash.

While Kylo spread the standard issue soap over his body, he watched the blurry figure of Hux through the frosted door. The black of his uniform gradually disappeared, replaced with the white of his bare skin. He came into the shower a moment later.

It was cramped inside the cubicle; neither of them could move without touching the other. Dispensing a fair amount of shampoo into his palm, Hux had scrubbed it into Kylo’s hair. Kylo had stood still as he worked, until he was told to rinse it out. Aside from those brief directions, they said nothing.

When Hux finally shut the water off, he went out first to retrieve clean towels, one of which he thrust at Kylo. They dried themselves hurriedly and returned to the bedroom.

“Lie down,” Hux had said. “On your stomach.”

When Kylo had complied, Hux had come to sit across his hips, his testicles and soft cock resting at the small of Kylo’s back. He had skimmed his hands up along Kylo’s sides and then to his shoulders, where he dug them into the muscles. Kylo had groaned, relaxing into the massage.

Hux had worked the tension from as much of him as he could reach over the next hour. When he was finished, Kylo was lax and lethargic, fighting to keep his eyes open. Hux had swung off of him and gotten out of bed. He pulled on a pair of loose pants and a soft shirt.

“I have to work,” he had said.

“I’ll go,” Kylo had mumbled, though he made no move to get up.

“Stay,” said Hux. “Sleep.”

Kylo had looked up at him with knit brows.

Hux offered one of his rare half-smiles. “I’ll wake you before the morning cycle.”

Kylo had woken only once more that night, when he had felt the opposite side of the bed sag. The sheets rustled and lifted, letting in a rush of cool air, but then Hux’s warmth was against him. He curled around Kylo’s back, brushing the still-damp hair from the nape of his neck and pressing his nose there. Kylo didn’t speak, his only movement to take the hand that rested at his middle and draw it up to his chest. He pressed Hux’s long fingers to the place above his heart, and there they stayed until they were both sleeping.

Night cycles spent together were rare after that first one, but they did happen. Kylo grew to know when Hux wanted him there by the way he moved, how he let on that he was tired—an equally rare occurrence—and how he took the time to bathe Kylo before allowing him into his bed to sleep. It was for sleep, too. They almost never fucked on those nights, though Hux did usually see to it that Kylo was well used before he sent him away at the start of alpha shift.

Kylo would go about his business that day with the lingering soreness that followed every encounter with Hux. He was not a gentle man, and Kylo often bore the dark bruises from his mouth and the striated scratches from his neatly trimmed fingernails for days afterward. His clothing always hid them, save for when he was in the officers’ gymnasium. He could feel the eyes on him there, the frank assessment of the bruises. He didn’t bother to hide them; he wasn’t ashamed.

“There’s talk of you,” Hux had said once as they lay across his rumpled sheets, their bodies still slick with the leavings of their coupling.

“What talk?” Kylo had asked, putting his arm behind his head and closing his eyes.

Fingertips brushed a tender spot on his collarbone where Hux had bitten him, pressing down to the point of pain.

“The officers say you must have a possessive lover,” Hux said. “That she marks you cruelly. They speculate who she might be.”

Kylo huffed. “She?”

“An unsurprising assumption,” said Hux, dismissive. “I may have encouraged it in passing.”

Kylo turned to look at him, frowning. “So no one will suspect you. How clever.”

Hux blinked at him impassively. “You don’t like that.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kylo said.

It was a lie, and one he was well aware Hux would see through. Kylo had gotten tired of hiding long ago, not long after their association had begun. However, there were regulations against fraternization in the First Order that Hux was determined to abide by, at least in appearance. It was an annoyance, but Kylo had agreed to it in order to keep him.

“Do you dislike that they talk about you like that?” Hux had asked. “That they think about you getting fucked?”

“Why would I?” Kylo had replied, curt.

“It compromises their fear of you, diminishes their respect.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes, a lick of anger igniting in his gut. “I don’t think about this like you do,” he said. “That’s your perception, not mine.”

Hux trailed a finger between Kylo’s pectorals, where the sweat had dried. “You would admit that it’s me fucking you, wouldn’t you?”

Kylo caught Hux’s narrow, flat wrist and pulled it up to his mouth. He bit down on the meat of his hand hard enough to make him hiss.

“I’d let them watch,” Kylo growled.

Hux’s laugh was sharp, too loud. Kylo nearly flinched.

“How depraved, Ren,” he said, cupping Kylo’s cheek with his bitten hand. “How obscene.”

Kylo rolled him onto his back, hovering above him as he pinned his arms to the mattress. “You’d do it.”

“No,” Hux said, making no move to fight Kylo’s hold on him. “I wouldn’t make a spectacle of you.”

His grand, almost flamboyant speeches came to Kylo’s mind. Hux embraced spectacle when it worked to his advantage, inspiring the zeal of his troopers. Kylo imagined himself on the dias with Hux, bent at the waist and exposed. Hux’s gloved hands would be on him, inside him, while half of the men aboard the _Finalizer_ looked on. It sent a thrill down his spine.

Hux seemed to sense it, and he smiled. “I can’t give you everything that you want. I have my limits.”

“I know,” Kylo had said, though the words were bitter.

They had slept for a while then, before Hux rose to dress for his shift on the bridge. Kylo had gone to train in the gymnasium straight away. He noticed the stares of the others as they took in the fresh marks on his neck and shoulders. He met their gazes and pulled his hair up into a tail to display the bruises.

It had ended six weeks later.

Kylo had come back from a mission, a failed attempt to recover an artifact that he believed would lead him to Skywalker. He had been furious, rage burning hot enough to blind him. He had accosted a junior officer, nearly asphyxiated her, and left her gasping in a heap on the floor. The nearby console had not fared as well.

Hux had found him with his saber still crackling as a shower of sparks from the ruined console landed on the durasteel floor at his feet.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Hux had snapped.

Kylo had said nothing, remaining still and facing away from him. Hux’s voice had cut through the white noise in his head, but he didn’t yet trust himself not to lash out. The Force was still humming through him, ready to be used at a moment’s notice.

“I’m speaking to you, Ren. I expect you to look at me.”

There was command in his tone, as if he were addressing one of his subordinates. Kylo’s fury surged again. He would not be talked down to.

Reaching for his helmet, he pulled it from his head and dropped it to the ground. By the time it landed, he had Hux pressed against the bulkhead, and he was kissing him. He forced his tongue into Hux’s mouth, tasting the caf he had been drinking. His lips were soft and familiar, enough to ground Kylo again and cool his temper. Anger was supplanted by desire, a need to possess and be possessed. The urgency was new, unrestrained, and Kylo let it consume him.

The taste of iron flooded his mouth as Hux bit him, and he shied back with a gasp. Fisting his hand in Hux’s hair, he pulled his head up. Hux’s eyes were alight with anger, his pale cheeks flushed with it. Kylo’s chest tightened with fondness at the same moment his cock throbbed with want.

Hux’s hand shot out before Kylo could stop it, cracking across the side of his face. Kylo grunted in pain.

“Get _the fuck_ off of me,” Hux snarled. When Kylo didn’t immediately move, he added, “Now, Ren.”

Kylo disregarded him, wrapping his arm around Hux’s waist and pressing his thigh between Hux’s legs. Hux struggled, planting his hands firmly on Kylo’s chest in an attempt to push him away. Kylo only tightened his grip, palming Hux’s ass through his regulation trousers. With his free hand, he reached out toward the door, sliding it shut with the Force.

The side of his face where Hux had hit him was still throbbing, but it only served to bring the moment into sharper relief, increasing his need. “Take me,” he said, his lips at the edge of Hux’s collar where it met the cool skin of his neck. “Here. Now.”

“Are you mad?” Hux snapped, his tone laced with venom.

Kylo rubbed his thigh at the juncture of Hux’s, but finding him soft, growled low in his throat. Raising his hands, he took Hux’s face between them. “I need you,” he said, offering the fundamental truth he had been previously unwilling to admit aloud, but had been in his mind for what seemed like years, all the time he had known Hux.

The contemptuous glare Hux was giving him wavered just slightly, his gaze flicking over Kylo’s face, but he said, “No.”

Kylo traced the bow of his lips with his thumb. “Hux.”

“Stop.” There was a note of panic in his voice. “Don’t say anything more.”

“Why?” Kylo asked.

Hux swallowed heavily, the muscles in his throat standing out. “This isn’t what you think it is. It never was, and it never can be.”

“That’s a lie,” said Kylo, strident. “You want this.”

“No, Ren,” Hux said. “You’ve deceived yourself, and I’ve allowed it for too long.”

Kylo gave him a single shake, jostling a piece of hair loose from its severe style. “ _No_. You won’t just throw me off like that. There’s too much between—”

Hux barked a laugh. “You’re gravely mistaken.” His mouth twisted with disgust. “Now, you’ll release me and get out of my sight.”

“Don’t do this,” Kylo said. The words had left his tongue before he could stop them, and he hated it. It sounded weak, like a plea.

Hux shoved him hard, and he finally gave in, falling back a step. “It’s already done.”

He had left Kylo standing in that small room, staring into the void he left in his wake. Kylo’s heart had been pounding his ears, the blood roaring until he was all but deaf. His vision blurred and he stumbled over to the wall, his gloves squeaking against the polished durasteel. He had rested his heated forehead against it, his breath leaving a foggy spot, and remained there until the ache in his chest abated.

In the next days, Kylo’s mood shifted often and violently. He would spend hours in meditation, but he was restive, agitated, and unable to quiet his thoughts enough to achieve true union with the raw Force. It infuriated him, spurring him into rages that left his quarters in ruins. He forbid the housekeeping droids from entering, though, choosing to do his penance by piecing things back together himself.

He watched the last of the bruises on his skin yellow and fade, the vestiges of Hux gone. When Kylo saw him, he was rigid with formality, his demeanor betraying nothing of what had occurred. Kylo did his utmost to feign indifference, but inwardly he seethed.

That feeling swelled now as he looked at Hux on the bridge, seemingly composed even as he watched a score of his TIE fighters exploding in trails of flame as the fuel and oxygen burned away. Kylo hated his detached equanimity as much as he envied it. He himself had never had such control over his emotions, and he was unable to put aside months of fierce unions and fevered touches with unaffected coolness.

Maybe what Hux had said was true; he had no affection for Kylo and what they had shared was nothing more than a dalliance. But Kylo didn’t believe it. He knew Hux well, having seen the general’s exterior fall away as Hux buried himself inside Kylo, kissing him without restraint. It had been real, tangible.

“General,” said a communications tech, looking up from her screen. “The troopers have successfully boarded the vessel and taken the helm.”

“Excellent,” said Hux. He folded his hands behind his back. “Tell them to take prisoners and have them transferred to the holding cells for interrogation. Strip all the available intelligence from the ship’s computers and have it downloaded directly to my console.”

“Aye, sir.”

Hux turned to Kylo then, though he did not look directly at him. “The operation was a success,” he said. “Are you satisfied with the outcome?”

Kylo’s brows drew together, though he knew Hux could not see him through the mask. The question made little sense; he did not have much invested in this particular mission. It was within Hux’s purview, not his own.

“If the ship yields the necessary materials, yes,” he said. “I congratulate you on your efforts, General.”

Hux seemed amused. “I appreciate that, Ren,” he said, clearly overlooking the loss of ships and personnel that this attack had brought.

Kylo chose not to pursue the matter, simply falling silent again. The meaningless banter he exchanged with Hux now irked him, and his patience for it was growing ever thinner. He flexed his fingers in his gloves, fighting the compulsion to reach out for him, to take him by the shoulders and shake him until Kylo elicited a response that bore some semblance of feeling. He would have accepted ire or passion in equal measure, but Hux showed nothing to him, not anymore.

But Kylo remembered his abandon in lovemaking. Seeing him now, icy and reserved, Kylo wanted nothing more than to break him down, hear him moan “Ren” in his ear as he nipped at the lobe. He wanted to make Hux remember how it had felt as they came together, and what they could be when they were united. And it was high time he was reminded.

“General,” Kylo said, “I’d like to speak to you. Privately.”

Hux fixed his gaze on the viewport, unfazed. “This is hardly the time. I have duties to attend to here.”

“Later, then,” said Kylo. “Your quarters. 2100.”

Hux pursed his lips as if to contemplate the prospect. “Very well.”

“Good,” said Kylo, falling back a step.

He paused though, as Hux added, “I expect you to be there precisely at the appointed hour. Don’t keep me waiting, Ren.”

The corridor that led to the officers’ residences on deck fourteen was empty as Kylo arrived three hours later. His footfalls were light despite the weight of him. There was a marked difference between the soft strikes of his boot heels and the sharp snap of Hux’s. When they had walked together, Kylo had moved quietly, but Hux’s presence was announced quite clearly wherever he went.

He had no need for stealth, of course. He operated in the open, standing in his command center as he gave his orders. He did not need to keep to the shadows as he pursued a target or move without notice. Hux was made to be seen: upright and striking in his uniform, greatcoat draped over his shoulders and hair alight even in the harsh, artificial illumination aboard a starship.

Kylo’s breath had come up short as he watched him address the assembled crew of the _Finalizer_ shortly after Kylo had come aboard. He had heard of General Hux, of his exemplary combat record and his administrative acumen when it came to overseeing the most vital weapons project in the First Order. But Kylo had not seen him before then, and he had not expected him to be beautiful.

The pull to him had been immediate, drawing Kylo in, fascinating him. And yet he stayed away, speaking to Hux only as much as was necessary. Hux had accepted it without protest, simply continuing to go about his business with Kylo at the periphery. Months had passed like that, with them in each other’s orbit, but never colliding.

It was improbable how they had come together. Kylo had been standing in the officers’ starboard observation lounge late into the night cycle. Vivid, familiar dreams had kept him from sleep. They were memories of the apprentices he had felled on the night he had abandoned his uncle’s school and gone to his new master. Their bodies had lain limp and motionless across the stone of the temple floor, but there had been no blood, only the scent of charred flesh.

Unable to keep the images away when he closed his eyes, Kylo had gone from his quarters. He had left his helmet and robes there, wearing only a simple black tunic and pants tucked into boots that came to the knee. Looking out through the viewport at the planet the _Finalizer_ was orbiting had offered some solace, allowing him to clear his mind. He had been standing there for more than an hour when he heard the hissing of the main door sliding open. He tensed, not expecting to have been disturbed.

“Ren,” Hux had said, coming to Kylo’s right side. “Good evening.”

The lounge was large enough to seat forty men and had felt empty with Kylo as its only occupant, but with Hux beside him, there was a fullness to it, as if the air around him had grown thick and warm.

“General,” he said, though he kept his gaze forward rather than turning to acknowledge Hux.

Hux had seen him unmasked before, most often in the communications room where they had their audiences with the Supreme Leader, but then Kylo had felt exposed. He was keenly aware of the unusual features of his face, its asymmetry. When compared to Hux’s clean, sharp profile, his was odd and graceless.

“Do you often come here?” Hux asked. It was a simple question, but Kylo was struck by it. It was the only personal inquiry Hux had ever made of him.

“No,” Kylo replied.

“Nor do I,” said Hux. “I find that I am not often compelled to socialize with my officers. And they spend quite of bit of their off duty hours here. Though, I’ve heard the beer is remarkably good.” He tipped his head to the side just slightly, and Kylo felt his eyes on him. “Do you imbibe, Ren?”

“No,” he said stiffly.

“Then I suppose I can’t ask you up to my quarters under the pretense of sharing a glass of brandy.”

Kylo glanced at him, brows drawn together. “What?”

Hux’s expression was cool. “I’d like to invite you to join me in private.”

“Why?” said Kylo, tone laced with suspicion.

Hux took half a step toward him and raised his bare hand to Kylo’s jaw. Kylo reacted on instinct, grabbing Hux’s narrow wrist and pinning his arm behind his back. It brought Hux against him so they stood chest to chest, their noses scant centimeters apart.

The corners of Hux’s mouth twitched up as he looked at Kylo. “You don’t want me to touch you after all?”

Kylo’s stomach clenched. A cracked sound was all he managed around a tongue that was thick and dry in his mouth.

“I suppose I could be mistaken,” said Hux, “but I do usually have a good sense of when someone admires me.” He looked down from Kylo’s eyes to his mouth, leaning just slightly closer. “You do, don’t you?”

Kylo swallowed heavily, compelled to deny it, but unable to. “Yes.”

Hux’s close-lipped smile was knowing. “‘Yes.’’ Tugging the hand Kylo still held in an iron grip, he added, “Well, if you see fit to release me, we might go up together. If you are amenable, of course.”

Kylo wet his lips, but did not move to let Hux go. “What do you want?”

Hux gave as much of a shrug as the hold would allow. “There are the number of things, but we might start with my cock in your mouth.”

Kylo’s hard exhale made Hux blink twice in quick succession.

“Would you like that, Ren?” he said.

A shudder passed through Kylo, one which he knew Hux could feel. “Yes.”

“Then come with me.”

Kylo had followed Hux to his quarters and there he had had his first taste of him.

He stood outside the door now, the only sounds the ever-present humming of the _Finalizer_ ’s drive core and his own deep breathing. Letting the air out of his lungs, he pressed the silver button that would announce his arrival.

The door slid open to reveal Hux’s office. It was familiar territory, long ago explored and mapped in Kylo’s mind. He knew that there were no sentimental keepsakes on the regulation furniture, no adornments that made the space Hux’s alone. And yet it was. Simplicity suited him.

He was seated behind his desk when Kylo entered, scrolling up on his datapad with one finger. He didn’t look up as he said, “Ren.”

Kylo stifled the rankling feeling Hux’s nonchalance brought to bear, and approached. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Looking at the intelligence reports from the Republic freighter,” Hux replied, continuing to scroll. “There’s not much, but we might be able to make use of some of the prisoners.” His gaze flicked up then, catching Kylo’s. “I might call upon you for that.”

Kylo frowned. Though the Force was effective for extracting information from those who could not be convinced to talk by other means, he disliked invading their minds. Their thoughts were already scattered and broken from the preceding hours of interrogation, and the pain invaded his own mind as he searched theirs. He was always left drained after a session. It often took hours of meditation to regain his equilibrium.

“Or perhaps not,” said Hux, taking in Kylo’s reaction. He had keen intuition, and he read Kylo very clearly. He always had. “The choice is yours, of course.”

“You know that’s not true,” Kylo said.

Hux cocked a brow. “I can’t make you do something you do not want to do, Ren.”

Kylo curled his fingers into his palm, feeling the flow of the Force through him, easily accessible. “If you asked it of me, I would do it.”

“I appreciate your cooperative attitude,” said Hux, setting his datapad down. “It’s not always the case.”

Kylo bristled. “It’s not only my fault.”

“No, I suppose it’s not,” Hux said, an unexpected concession. “Matters between us have been somewhat strained of late.”

“‘Of late?’” Kylo scoffed. “It’s been like this for months.”

Hux’s mouth pinched, his nostrils flaring. “Yes, well, we don’t...confer as often as we once did.”

“That’s what you call it?” Kylo spat, setting his hands down at the edge of the desk.

“It’s not inaccurate,” said Hux. “We used to discuss things quite often.”

Kylo leaned in, glaring. “We did. In your bed.”

Hux sat back in his chair, retreating slightly. “That is not a necessity for having a conversation. If you have things to bring to my attention, you may still do so.” He gestured around him. “ _Here_.”

Kylo narrowed his eyes. “It’s not the same.”

“Of course, it isn’t,” said Hux, “but it’s the way of things now.” The chair scraped across the floor as he pushed it back and stood. “If that is what you came here to say, however, I suggest you go.”

“You can’t dismiss me like one of your lieutenants,” Kylo growled, straightening to use the few centimeters of height he had on Hux. “We’re not finished.”

Hux scowled, his eyes flashing with warning. “We are. This is not a subject I’m willing to discuss. It’s been settled.”

Kylo’s temper flared, anger shot with hurt. Coming around the desk, glowered at Hux.  “You’re being a coward. Running from something because it was too much for you.”

“Ren—” Hux started, but Kylo cut him off.

“No,” he hissed, grasping Hux’s shoulders. “It’s easier for you to let to it go. To keep yourself apart.” He released his grip some, lowering his voice. “You’ve been alone for a very long time, Hux.”

“My obligations to the Order come first,” said Hux. “Cultivating attachments is hardly a priority when I have my command.”

Sliding his hands up to where Hux’s collar met his neck, Kylo asked, “Did I take you away from it? Did I really keep you from your duty?”

“There were some occasions,” Hux replied.

Kylo touched the edge of his jaw. “You mean when you told Mitaka to hold the bridge during alpha shift so you could put me on my knees and fuck me?”

Hux’s tongue was a pink flash against his lips.

“Did you think I forgot those mornings?” said Kylo. “When you woke me up with your fingers inside me, opening me up again so you could take what you wanted?”

“You never refused,” Hux said, quiet.

Kylo blinked slowly, his gaze following the flush that was coloring Hux’s neck and face. “I wouldn’t. Do you remember how good it was?”

“Ren,” said Hux, a warning and an appeal.

“You do,” Kylo said. “You remember exactly how it made you feel. You could have that again. We could.”

Hux looked down, but didn’t move away. Kylo pressed the palms of his hands closer, until he was cupping the sides of Hux’s face. The slight prickle of his evening beard scratched against his skin.

“Who else is there for you?” he said.

Hux’s eyes were wide, his gaze moving over Kylo’s face. There was something akin to fear in his hesitation; Kylo could sense the nervous tension in him.

“Who else?” Kylo said, quiet, but insistent.

Hux’s breath was warm on Kylo’s wrist as he sighed. “No one. There’s no one else.”

Kylo raised Hux’s face until Hux met his eyes. “You knew that from the start, but you put me aside like I was nothing. I won’t let you do it again.”

“I know,” Hux said, covering one of Kylo’s hands with his. His voice was thick with resignation, concession. He leaned slightly into Kylo’s fingers. “I didn’t expect you to stay away,” he said. “I thought you’d come back to me. When you didn’t, I thought...”

“What?” Kylo said, pressing his thumbs to Hux’s cheekbones. “That I was done with you?”

Hux nodded.

Through clenched teeth, Kylo asked, “Have you wanted me all this time?”

Hux looked up at him wearily. “At times, maybe, others I didn’t. You’re vexing, and a complication I should not indulge in. But…you were so willing to let me take from you. That was intoxicating.” He took Kylo’s chin between his thumb and forefinger.

Kylo jerked his face away from Hux’s grip and pushed back. “Is it so hard to make up your mind?” he snarled. “Either you want me or you don’t.”

“It’s not that simple,” Hux said. “You expect certain things of me, and I am not sure that I can fulfill them.” He reached out a hand toward the high collar of Kylo’s robes. He touched the edge, a hairsbreadth from the skin, but didn’t make contact. “I’m not a kind lover. I demand far more than I’m willing to give. I won’t be subject to your whim. I will take you when I please and certainly not in the small conference room, as you so shamelessly tried to convince me to do.” His thumb brushed over Kylo’s chin to his lower lip. “Are you willing to behave to suit me, Ren?”

Kylo looked hard at him, studying his green eyes. He wasn’t going to be a servant to anyone but his master. And yet Hux was offering himself—in his way—and that was something Kylo had ached for for months.

“All right,” Kylo said. “I’ll do what you want, but only here.”

Hux petted the side of Kylo’s face with the pads of his forefingers, a reward. “I can accept that condition.”

Kylo could see the pulse point in Hux’s neck hollow and fill as his heart beat. Trailing his fingertips down, he touched it. He felt the hummed sound Hux made as much as he heard it. There was entreaty there, and invitation.

Hux’s lips were parted just slightly as Kylo kissed him, and it was easy to slide his tongue into Hux’s mouth. He tasted of mint, as if he had cleaned his teeth before Kylo had arrived. It fed Kylo’s want to think that he had prepared himself for this.

Hux moved his hands up Kylo’s neck and into his hair, massaging the base of his skull. Kylo reveled in the touch, simple but claiming. He pulled Hux closer and broke the kiss to trail his lips down Hux’s bared throat. Kylo was careful with his mouth, landing brief kisses and presses of his tongue, but he did not leave marks. Hux didn’t allow them, though he himself gave them in abundance.

“Was there anyone else?” Hux asked, twisting his fingers in Kylo’s hair to force him to look up. “Did you let someone else have you?”

Kylo’s eyes were watering from the pain of Hux’s grip, but it was sending shockwaves of arousal through him as well. “If there was?”

Hux pulled harder, and Kylo nearly cried out. “Tell me.”

“No,” said Kylo. “There’s never been anyone else.”

The pressure released some, but he didn’t even have a moment to take a breath before Hux was on him, kissing him hard. Kylo went into it with equal violence, clacking their teeth together as they delved into each other.

Their hands moved between them to the fastenings of their clothing, pulling and unzipping in needy haste. Hux’s jacket fell open first, and Kylo pushed his hands under it to tug the regulation white undershirt from the waistband of Hux’s pants. He shoved it up until he could touch Hux’s skin. His stomach was smooth and soft under Kylo’s palms, the dip of his navel just deep enough to take a thumb. Beneath it was a line of burnished hair that Hux usually shaved away, but had clearly not been seen to in some time. It seemed that there had been no one for him, either.

Kylo released the button at the fly of Hux’s pants with a deft flick and then lowered the zipper. He followed the trail of hair to the patch around Hux’s cock, sliding his fingers through it. Hux groaned as Kylo took hold of him.

“Your hands,” he said, the words tight and strained.

“My hands?” Kylo asked, stroking Hux to bring him to hardness.

“So broad. Long fingers.” Reaching down, Hux pulled Kylo’s free hand to his mouth. He kissed the center of the palm and dragged his lips along his fingers until he reached their tips. With teeth and tongue, he drew Kylo’s middle finger into his mouth.

Kylo watched, rapt, as he sucked at it in gentle pulls, his full lips around the first knuckle and then the second as Kylo slid the finger deeper, depressing Hux’s tongue. The surface was slick, soft like the velvety skin of Hux’s cock in his hand. Kylo moved his hands in tandem, stroking Hux in both places. Hux allowed it for the space of a minute perhaps before he drew back. He took Kylo by the wrist and stilled the hand at his groin.

“Strip,” he said.

The blood in Kylo’s stomach dropped lower, making his cock twitch and fill. Reluctantly, he moved away from Hux, putting a half meter’s distance between them, and reached for the hem of his cowl. Hux stood stock still, watching intently as Kylo began removing his clothes. Kylo did it steadily; it wasn’t a blatant display, but he was aware of Hux’s eyes following his every move, every layer being peeled away as Kylo revealed more of his skin.

The climate aboard the _Finalizer_ was regulated, but never particularly warm. As Kylo pulled his undershirt over his head, his nipples tightened in the cold, the nerves prickling with sensitivity. Reaching up to his chest, he pinched his left nipple, hissing at the sharp sensation that spiraled down to his groin. Craving more, he slid his hand across to the right side.

“Don’t,” Hux said sharply.

Kylo paused, fingers hovering above the ridge of his pectoral. He eyed Hux, waiting for instruction or permission.

Hux gave neither; he came to Kylo in two long strides, the narrow, cool fingers of his right hand closing over Kylo’s shoulder. The other went around his waist to steady him as Hux’s mouth descended to his untouched nipple. Kylo threw his head back with a rough cry as Hux sucked at him, brushing his tongue over the delicate flesh. He worried the peak of the nipple with his teeth before soothing it with gentle laps. Hux himself was not particularly receptive to this kind of attention, but he clearly remembered that Kylo was.

Kylo watched the burnished top of Hux’s head as he moved across to the left nipple, brushing his lips over it. The right was darkened, a bruise forming. Satisfaction burned through Kylo at the sight of the mark. He wanted it and more covering his body, leaving a trail for him to follow when he was alone.

Hux complied as if he had been asked aloud, landing wet, lingering kisses along Kylo’s collarbone and then his neck. When he reached the side, he marked him again, this one even darker and more prominent than the last. Kylo bunched the back of Hux’s jacket in his fist, seeking something to ground him.

When Hux drew back, he wiped at the damp bruise with his thumb. He wore a sly, one-sided smile. “You love to wear your transgressions,” he said, low. “Like wounds from a battle.” He traced a jagged white line along Kylo’s shoulder, where he had once been struck during his training. “You enjoy your scars, whether temporary or permanent. You should be more careful with your body.”

Kylo slipped his hands under the open sides of Hux’s jacket, curling them around his slender waist. “I don’t have your vanity,” he said.

Hux laughed lightly, making the muscles of his stomach contract under Kylo’s palms. “I suppose I am vain, but would you want me if I was unkempt, unshaven and disheveled?”

“I always want you,” Kylo replied.

Hux’s look was indulgent as he cupped Kylo’s cheek. “You are a strange creature, Ren, if you will have me unconditionally. In the past, the others—”

Kylo grasped Hux by the hips and pulled him harshly against him, until they were pressed together. “Don’t tell me,” he growled. “I don’t want to know about you with _them_.”

“Of course not,” said Hux, rubbing a lock of hair that had fallen across Kylo’s brow between his fingers. “I meant only to say that you are uncommon, unlike anyone else with whom I have shared my bed.”

Kylo bristled again to think of a dark, featureless figure tangled up with Hux, making him cry out and moan the way Kylo could. But his frustration was soothed some by the press of Hux’s hands and the soft, even doting shine in his eyes. He had paid Kylo a compliment in his forthright, cutting way, and clearly meant for Kylo to understand and be reassured by it. He wasn’t exactly that, but he found solace in Hux’s singular focus on touching him.

He had his hands on Kylo again, holding him solidly as he rolled his hips to brush the obvious erection between Kylo’s legs. Hux was hard, too, the flushed tip of his cock just visible at the waistband of his standard issue undershorts.

Kylo pulled Hux’s arms away from his ass, where he had been kneading the muscles, and began to tug the sleeves of his jacket. Hux shrugged out of it and dropped it to the floor. Kylo sank to his knees as it fell, until he was poised at the juncture of Hux’s thighs. He wasted no time in sliding Hux’s trousers and shorts down to bare him.

Hux’s usual fastidious grooming had slipped some, the hair at the base of his cock allowed to grow out. Kylo had only ever seen him shaved and had been pleased with that, but there was something about the soft, red thatch that he liked. Leaning in, he nuzzled his nose into it, breathing in the musk of Hux’s body.

“What are you doing?” Hux asked, though his voice was thick, almost lethargic. There was no objection in it.

Kylo said nothing, instead continuing to nose his way along Hux’s groin, letting his lips brush the sides of his cock. He ran his hands up the back of Hux’s thighs until he reached the cleft of his ass. Lightly, Kylo traced it with his fingertips, only venturing to press in further when Hux made a quiet sound of encouragement. He drew in a breath as Kylo brushed his entrance.

Kylo knew he would only allow a single finger, just enough to tease him as Kylo took his cock in his mouth. Anything more would bring things too a head far too soon. Kylo planned it carefully, breaching Hux just as he parted his lips to swallow him down. Hux cursed, a prize that had Kylo smiling around him. He was warm and solid against Kylo’s tongue, filling his mouth just the way he remembered. Opening his throat, he took Hux deeper, until he could no longer breathe around him. Then he crooked his finger.

“Ren!” Hux cried.

Kylo hummed in acknowledgement, sucking Hux in long pulls as he worked the finger inside him. Hux’s movements were restricted by the boots and trousers he still wore, but he managed to widen his stance and brace himself. One hand found the back of Kylo’s head.

“Easy,” Hux said. “Not too much. It’s been…”

“Too long,” said Kylo, pulling back just enough to speak. “Too long, Hux.” With the tip of his tongue, he stroked the sensitive underside of Hux’s cock, up to the tip, where he tasted the familiar saltiness of the fluid there.

Hux’s grip on Kylo’s hair tightened. “Get up.”

Kylo let him pull at him until he was standing, and then Hux was kissing him with savage intent. Kylo gave it back, mercilessly invading his mouth nearly to the point of pain. Between them, Hux fumbled with Kylo’s trousers, barely succeeding in getting the buttons undone.

“Damn these,” he snarled against Kylo’s lips. “Take them off.”

Kylo would have grinned at Hux’s desperation if he hadn’t been shaking with it himself. His fingers felt like wood as he released his fly and shoved the trousers down. He groaned as Hux’s still-wet cock touched his.

It wasn’t elegant, the two of them standing together, half dressed and rubbing off on each other, but Kylo didn’t care. He held Hux to him, devouring as much of him as he could reach.

Hux’s words were slurred between kisses, but he managed to say, “Go to bed, Ren. Give yourself two fingers.”

“Don’t you want to give them to me?” Kylo asked as he pulled Hux’s lower lip between his teeth.

Hux nipped his jaw, admonishing. “I’ll give you three. When I’m ready.” He gave Kylo’s nipple a hard pinch. “Go.”

Kylo obeyed, though he nearly tripped over the trousers around his ankles. He sat at the edge of the bed and removed his boots and socks, then the rest. Hux’s blankets were soft against his naked skin as he slid back over them toward the head of the bed.

He wasn’t surprised to find a nearly full bottle of lubricant in the drawer in the console beside him. Hux always kept it there. Kylo anointed his fingers before slipping them behind his testicles to his ass. Gentleness had never been a priority for him, so he pushed both forefingers inside himself without preamble. He closed his eyes for a moment as he adjusted to the intrusion, but then opened them to look up.

Hux had pulled up his own trousers, though they still hung loose at his hips. He was watching Kylo, but once he saw that he was being heeded, that Kylo was opening himself up, he went over to the small closet to the side of the bed. He slid the door out of the way and pulled out an aluminium bootjack. He set it on the floor and went about removing his tall boots.

Kylo had never understood the lack of practicality in the officers’ uniforms, but at least Hux was efficient in removing them. He freed his feet without ungainly pulling or losing his balance, and put the boots aside. He stepped out of his trousers and discarded them, too.

Memories, no matter how vivid, had done Hux no justice. His long, white limbs were stark and beautiful in the artificial light. He was skinny, but there was no gawkiness about him. His narrow chest tapered to square hips and a pert ass that was just slightly concave on each side, around the muscles. Watching him walk was strangely sensual.

“Is that good, Ren?” he asked as he stood, naked, across the room from where Kylo was lying. He gave his cock a lazy stroke, and Kylo’s breath caught. “Is that want you need?”

“More,” Kylo said. He spread his legs wider, languidly moving his fingers into and out of himself.

Hux’s gaze bored into him, an open appraisal. His expression was cool, but his hands curled into fists at his sides. Kylo knew that his façade of control was just that, and it was beginning to crack.

“Hux,” Kylo said, extending his free hand. “Please.”

At the quiet entreaty, Hux was across the room in a matter of seconds, crawling over the bed and reaching for the lubricant. He slicked his hand blindly as he kissed Kylo’s chest, spilling some of the lubricant onto the blanket. Kylo retrieved the bottle before Hux could make a mess. He went to place it back on the console, but dropped it to the floor with a clatter as Hux grabbed his hand and pulled it away from his ass. Savagely, Hux pushed three fingers into him. Every nerve ignited with pleasure long missed, making Kylo arch up and cry out.

“Easy,” Hux murmured, rubbing his left hand along Kylo’s thigh, gentling. “There you are.”

Kylo’s heart was pounding, but even that couldn’t distract him from the sweet burn of Hux’s fingers. He worked them steadily before pausing to spread them, opening him. Kylo gasped as he did it, moaning low on his exhale.

“Exquisite,” said Hux, looking down and over Kylo splayed out for him.

Kylo’s stomach clenched at the praise. He didn’t sculpt himself for any reason other than to hone his body for combat, and took no particular pride in his appearance, but the way Hux admired him made him want to stretch out and preen. Hux recognized it and smiled, running his hand over Kylo’s midsection. His mouth followed, until he reached Kylo’s right pectoral. Parting his lips, he pulled the tender skin between his teeth, sucking to bring the blood to the surface. Kylo pushed into it, welcoming yet another dark bruise.

“Turn over,” Hux said as he kissed up the column of Kylo’s throat to his ear. He nibbled at the lobe, tracing the shell with his tongue.

Kylo shuddered as Hux drew his fingers out of him. With one sticky hand, Hux guided him until he was lying facedown on the mattress. Kylo heard him sigh as he caressed the globes of Kylo’s ass. With uncharacteristic gentleness, he parted them, exposing Kylo to the cool, recirculated air. Kylo was open, waiting for the emptiness he had felt for months to be filled again. He canted his hips just slightly, an offering.

“So eager,” said Hux as he traced the rim of Kylo’s entrance with his thumb. “So willing. I never would have expected you to be so pliant in my arms, Ren.”

Kylo might have once been ashamed of how easily he went to Hux, how freely he gave himself—it had never been the same with anyone else—but he wasn’t now. In this moment and all the others he had spent in Hux’s bed, any thoughts of shame or repercussions were banished in the blinding singularity of the present.

“Hux,” he plead. “I need…”

“Hush,” Hux said. “I know.” He landed a brief kiss to the divots at the base of Kylo’s spine. “Onto your knees.”

Anticipation bloomed in Kylo’s gut as he pushed himself up. Hux had taken him in all manner of ways: on his back with his legs around Hux’s slender waist; with shallow thrusts as they lay on their sides; deeper with Kylo’s calves on Hux’s shoulders. But this was what he preferred. He braced himself on his hands and waited.

The stretch when Hux entered him punched the air out of lungs, even though he moved slowly, allowing Kylo to feel every inch of him as he slid inside.

“ _Ren_ ,” Hux groaned as he seated himself fully. “I had forgotten…stars, I had forgotten how _good_ you feel.”

“Do you remember now?” Kylo asked.

Hux leaned down slowly, until he was covering Kylo’s back. When he spoke, it was against the back of his neck: “Yes.”

Reaching down to where Hux’s hand was planted on the bed, Kylo drew it up to his mouth. He kissed the center of the palm once before lowering it to the space just over his heart. He pressed it there, letting Hux feel the steady beats.

“I won’t let you forget again,” he said.

Hux moved close until he could brush the side of his face against Kylo’s. “No,” he whispered. “No.”

He began to move then, drawing out of Kylo and pushing back into him. Kylo pressed into him to take each stroke greedily. He continued to hold Hux’s hand to his chest as they rocked together, occasionally feeling the bite of Hux’s nails. Sweat formed between them in the long minutes as they worked, slick and hot. Hux’s face was still close to Kylo’s, and their breath came in synchronized pants that fell in time with Hux’s deep thrusts.

“Touch yourself,” Hux said, his lips brushing Kylo’s cheek. “I want to feel you come around me.”

Kylo gave a powerful shudder. Hux inside him had already brought him near the edge, but a hand on his cock would send him careening over it. His would do, but he wanted Hux. Threading together the fingers that rested on his chest, he brought them down to his cock and wrapped their joined hands around himself. His head swam at the contact, vision whiting out at the edges. He was so close; it nearly pained him.

What Hux said next, though, shook him more deeply than any physical pleasure could: “You’re mine, Ren. Aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he said, breathless and awed. “Always.” Hux nuzzled his neck, and Kylo gave up the last of himself. He was lost to love, strange and twisted as it was between them. It was the only thing that could ever hit him this hard, freeing him in the same moment he was bound irrevocably to someone else. In being possessed, he was made whole.

He came with a shout of Hux’s name, spilling over their hands. Hux gasped in his ear as his body tightened around his cock. Hux’s movements stuttered and then with a last, powerful push, he cried, “ _Kylo_.”

They collapsed onto the bed, Hux sprawled out over Kylo’s back as they recovered. Satiation suffused Kylo’s blood, calming him. Hux’s left arm was thrown out over a pillow, long and pale. The tiny, red-blond hairs along it were standing on end, so Kylo smoothed them down with his palm. Hux hummed contentedly, but began to stir. He rolled onto his side, his softening cock slipping out of Kylo. His warmth remained.

Kylo turned to him, taking in the flush on his cheeks and the glassy, well-pleasured look in his eyes. Kylo brushed the fall of damp hair away from his forehead. Hux gave him an indulgent smile.

“We should clean up,” he said. “I have work to do tonight.”

He looked toward the refresher, but Kylo caught his cheek. “Wait.”

Hux cocked a brow. “What?”

“I want to remember you like this,” Kylo said.

“Oh, Ren.” There was a note of annoyance in his tone, but he didn’t move away. Instead, he kissed Kylo on the mouth. “You don’t have to rely on your memory anymore. I’m here.”

Kylo burned with elation, his gravity readjusting as Hux pulled him into his orbit. “Hux, I—” A finger touched his lips, cutting off the words.

“I know,” said Hux. “I remember.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr [here](http://gefionne.tumblr.com/).


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